Posted by: Heath | May 10, 2010

Brown skin isn’t always a good thing.

Beware!!!! There have been numerous reports (in the hundreds) about a unheady, careless, festy-crashing wook that has been defecating on fellow passed out wooks. Although the notorious “Scat Wook” has been sited in action only a few times, many have arrived at the messy scenes just seconds after his alleged footlong steamers were released. These steamers have been described as unusually large, and they are usually released on the head, neck, or chest area. In one extreme case at Loki Music Festival in 07′, a wook awoke to a hot mouthful of not-so-tasty “brownies” after passing out with one boob out during a Toubab Krew show for the ages. This single incident led to the creation and revolution of the most dangerous and rebellious line of wooks walking any given festival- The Angry Wooks. (For more information on angry wooks, visit the WookBook (Coming Soon))

With TrifoxMedia closing it’s doors, hopeless wooks don’t know where to turn for protection from the monster of feces. According the the United Wook Census of 2009, ticket prices and population of festies have continued to drop rapidly. This is due to one thing, and one thing only- FEAR. Some desperate wooks are going to extreme measures and boycotting festies completely until the justice is served.

The WWWD foundation (What-Would-Wooks-Do) have release an emergency statements demanding that all wooks “keep it heady and stay calm” during these times of distress. They suggest larger-than-usual wook drum circles late into the night that will allow wooks to take turns passing out inside the cirlce, while other wooks protect them with an enclosed, furious music session. Its a win-win situation.

Others have suggested that every brew and brewess that enters a festy must be required to eat a minimum of 10 immodium caps to prove their commitment to a waste-free event.

If you have any information that will lead to the arrest of the defecating wook, please contact your local festy security company for a free cookie and copy of “Boys Life Magazine” autographed by Tea Leaf Green.

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Responses

  1. Unbelievable.


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